Many Mothers

     I am a mother of two girls. Lydia is ten and Elaina is twelve-years-old. It has been a whirlwind of pink bows and sparkly shoes, baby dolls and plastic ponies, dramatic tears and tender hugs. This is the world I had always longed for of sisters, daughters, and girls.

     When I was growing up I was 3^rd in a family of four children. I was the only girl and ever longing for a sister. My sisters came in the form of friends. By association, their mothers became mentors to me. Ever bouncing from one living room to the next, with both announced and unannounced visits, I made my way into my friend’s homes and families. Thankfully, surprisingly, and providentially I found a place in their hearts.

     My Aunt Candy became one of my first surrogate mothers. She helped build my love for music and my confidence as a singer. It was with her that I got to my voice lessons in the mall. My cousin Stacey and I had back to back lessons. After we finished belting “The Rose” or “Wind Beneath My Wings”, we stopped at the Walgreens on our way out of the mall to buy “cherry” Clearly Canadian drinks.

    She introduced me to singers such as Bette Midler and Celine Dion (before she became a star). She had a dry sense of humor and wasn’t big on physical affection, but I knew that she loved me. The lady was a masterful sugar cookie baker. Not only were they perfect cut-outs to go with the theme of the occasion, but they had just the right softness to frosting ratio. I spent a thousand days at her home laughing, singing, and goofing off.  I always felt welcome. Thank you.

     As a mother, I am now getting to know my daughter’s friends. Gratitude comes in waves as I remember Judy Hurley, who wasn’t asked to love me but chose to, when the 4^th grader Dianne showed up on her doorstep. Every day after school, I stood on their cement steps asking if Aubrey could come out to play. Should she have been filled with anxiety at this fluffy curled girl who loved to dance and sing with her daughter? In fifth grade, we proudly touted our own singing group called “The Twins.” We had one hit “Boo-Bop Shoo-Bop.” At sleepovers and on the playground, we performed proudly. I think we even made “Twins” puffy paint t-shirts.

In the hard days of junior high, Judy had tough conversations with me.

“Dianne, it wasn’t right to read Aubrey’s diary. Those are her private thoughts, you have to respect her privacy, I think it is time for you to go home.”

“Dianne, she is sick she told you that already. No wonder she threw up on you, I think it is time for you to go home.”

     Girls need older women to help them discover healthy boundaries, and when a mom takes the time to speak into a young girl’s life she will never forget it. How many times was I sent home? Often. How many times have I thought to thank her? Countless.

     I think fondly back to Julie Bartekowski.  She was my friend Dana’s mom. What I still remember about her was her spirit. She was always on the move. In fact, she got my mom to speed walk with her. Dana and I would try to keep up, but their arms and legs were going so fast they literally left us in the dust. With her help, Dana started her own business when she was only in 5^th grade. On top of all this, she made amazing cookies. But what I treasure is that she was a friend to my mom.

     When she got my shy mother out on the street walking, talking, and laughing, she helped my mom start to dream again. With her matter of fact way, she helped my mom see that she could reach her goals. My concerned young heart didn’t know how to fix the brokenness inside my mom, but Julie helped. I will always be grateful for what you did for her. Unfortunately, at the time I was a bit of a stinker, and you told me so, I needed that. Thank you.

     I always admired Sue Nemmers, my friend Suzanne’s mom. She was a classy Church lady. During the junior high years when my parents had given up on the church, I would go to Grace Brethren with your family. I would see the way you taught Suzanne to do right, and I secretly hoped to be like you one day. I loved it when you laughed over something that we said or did. Your beautiful brown eyes and long lashes closing as your beautiful smile made me feel “belonging” in a time when I was so mixed up inside.

     Later when Suzanne’s younger sister was in the vocal academy with me and we would be singing at a community event or party, you were there. With a beautiful smile you watch and cheered for all of us. I often wonder if I later came back to church because of your kindness in those lost years. Thank you.

    Well I am grown now, many of the questions of identity have found their way to answers. And now I open my van door to my daughter’s friends and I can only hope that I can influence them in the positive ways these women influenced me. Love is ever reaching you see. What you did for me then, is now stretching beyond that time into this moment and into the way I love the girls my daughter’s choose for me to lead.