Confessions out of Gray

     In the mirror she stands 5’4 ½. She is not as cute as I remember her. Her eyes are puffy and her skin is far too ruddy to go anywhere like this. Her hair last night seemed acceptable- I mean, sort of, as best as it could get. This morning, though, it is coarse and straight where it should be curly- (Sigh)…this is me. Right here in the mirror, but I don’t like it…again. Have I let go of all sense of pride? Am I now embracing middle age, do I have frumpy motheritis? I am uncertain.

     Off to the living room I go. In my quiet little spot, I choose to open a different mirror. In Psalm 139 God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made- but my flesh cries out- gray hair, really? In Ephesians 3:17 He says, “I am rooted and established in Christ's love.” But what if I am the only one Lord, who is letting go of the hair dye to embrace the truth- growing out 1/8^th of an inch at a time.     

     

     My pride is really hurting, but my soul is really growing. This truth is evident in the way I can love more deeply, more freely.

     Take a deep breath. Oh yes. I am reminded.  It is His breath in my lungs.  My life is a precious gift. Still, I am unnerved, insecure, and shaky on this new path of identity. In a way, I am embracing my own mother who stood looking at the bathroom mirror, screaming at the hot pink roots, that were supposed to be medium brown. Hot pink wasn’t a trendy hair color in the 90’s. My childish voice called out to my 38-year-old mother. “You are beautiful just the way you are, don’t dye your hair!” That girl meant what she said to the mother she loved.

     Now I am that mother (thanks mom for the genes)!  I am no stronger in front of the mirror. It is a struggle to let go of the pressure I feel to blend in with everyone else. And then I remember how much I needed my own mother to know that she was beautiful. I remind myself that I want other women to know that they are beautiful. Our beauty doesn’t come from a bottle!

     On this couch, I remember what reflection I really want to cast. I want to be a woman full of the grace and love of God. Such women are as timeless as the One they reflect. So on day 943 I embrace my appearance.  Silence! squeamish self.  We do embrace her and every gray lock that speaks of her surrender.