In the Fall of 1996, I dressed up like Amy Grant for Halloween. As a freshman in college I didn’t have much money to donate to a costume, so don’t judge. To be honest, I thought I was her biggest fan anyway. Proudly, I wore my hair like hers, long and brown. I tried to wear oversized sweaters with combat boots like her poster in CCM (Christian Music Magazine). Who is Amy Grant, some of you young folk might ask? She was a ground-breaking contemporary Christian artist who peaked in popularity through the 80’s and 90’s. She had a simple inspiring style and she wrote songs that seemed a lot less Sunday and a lot more everyday Christian. If these walls could speak, Amy, they would tell you that I love you.
During the same season, her separation and divorce were hitting the tabloids. “Baby Baby!” I was mad, bewildered, disappointed and grieved. How could my icon, the “Miss America” of Christian music struggle in her personal life? It was a new heartbreak to learn that Christian music artists weren’t perfect either. Didn’t she know she had “Her Father’s Eyes?” My teenage perspective viewed her as a flat character. A “once upon a time” kind of celebrity who lived on a ranch with pretty horses in Tennessee drinking good coffee and writing great songs.
After finding out that Amy Grant struggled I realized love is hard. No matter who you are and what you believe, relationships can go tragically wrong. “Love in any language” is hard to figure out. I might have the idea that I am showing love by trying to protect, but you are offended because you want a love that has space to breathe. It turns out I have a lot to learn about love too. I used to wonder what I would have done in her shoes. Now I realize that it is better just to pray. No other person can know what it is like to walk in your shoes.
I used to say, “If I were Amy Grant I would…” Such statements implied that because she was well known- she had arrived at the epic point of wisdom because of her success. But much like me, she needed and still needs “El Shaddai,” God Almighty. He is the only one whose love is more than enough.
“El Shaddai,” used to get stuck in my head even though the words are in Hebrew. I found myself humming it most of the time. I even went on walks with my Mom, around the block, hand in hand half singing and half humming the song together. But I only just recently narrowed in on its true meaning: Almighty God, all sufficient one- the “more than enough” the “I got this” God. It turns out I really need to know God is big enough for the troubles and big enough for my “If I were Amy Grant” dreams. I hope Amy, you know Him that way.
Here is another one of my favorite songs, Thy Word. “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” As I say that phrase I can almost see a youth group of students with feathered hair and stonewashed jeans. The melodic rhythm rocking through the Boom Box as the students stand in front of brown folding chairs. It seemed to get stuck in my head all week as I walked down the halls at school. Later I gained the courage to carry one of those big bibles on top of my other books. I wanted to be bold and strong after listening to "Songs from the Loft".
Dear Amy, you need to know I still get goosebumps when I hear “Breath of Heaven” at Christmas. And I can’t hear the song without picturing your red velvet and white feather Santa dress on the cover of that album. I must pop the CD while in the car as the snow is falling on the windshield. You have become a tradition.
Thank you, Amy for living a brave bold existence as a songwriter and recording artist. Even when life was hard and the whole world was looking in on your broken heart. You have encouraged so many of us. I hope you continue to sing "Praise to the Lord." Because of you, I too write songs, sing on Sundays, and occasionally wear cowboy boots.
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