Speaking out of Gray

   What do you do when someone tells you, you are too old to do what you love? I never thought I would get here, but I have arrived at this spot anyway. About three years ago I decided that I wanted to be true to myself in a small way so I grew out my roots. As the sparkling gray started to appear so did my insecurity. Will people still accept me as a worship leader if I have gray hair?

    For you nonchurch goers such a question might sound ridiculous, but in the circles, I walk in such a question was a legitimate concern. You might say, I thought God was about love and acceptance certainly his people would be too. I fearfully decided to test out my hair choice to see.

    Thankfully I found that many women gathered around me to encourage this journey of allowing my true colors to shine through. If you haven’t noticed hair color is a big industry in America. I am surprised that the sky has become the limit for the color you decide to go with. As time has progressed I have grown to embrace my hair and my uniqueness, but it hasn’t been without a fight.

   Recently I found myself in a conversation about modern worship. I soon felt the sting that I was being talked to like I was too old to lead worship. As I sat patiently listening to a story of a man who was passionate and experienced in worship but found it hard to find a job because he was 40+ and had a full head of prematurely gray hair. As this story was shared the narrator looked at me certain that I could relate. The story's conclusion: worship ministry is for the young, those without gray hair.

   Inside I felt fire stirring in my belly as I found myself shut into a little box labeled "used up goods." I don’t know about you, but I don’t want someone telling me that because of the appearance of my hair or the age I have become I have been disqualified for the passion of my life. For God or for man, I think when someone truly works out of the gifting they were created to do, their work is timeless.

   I am not saying I think my work is timeless, but I sure would like the opportunity to make it so. As a creative, I find it hard to follow rules, color in the lines and look like everyone else, but I think this nature came from the One who designed me in my mother’s womb. God enjoys making people unique. He likes designing people to be a part of his story, a radical story of love where He invites people to come just as they are. Young, old, male, female, of every race, and intellect. I am longing for a place where I belong just as I am, don't you?

   It is for Him, Jesus, that I would risk being honest about who I really am. In that honesty, I must admit that I need the peace of God to walk into a world that doesn’t like misfits unless they are 25-year-old rock stars. But as the recent conversation rolls around in my head I feel my foot coming down. No, I disagree. I can still sing and so I will. Regardless of other people's opinions, I know I have a "destiny" to fulfill and so do you.

    If you are feeling like your back is up against the wall don't give up. It's not over yet. No one can take your dream without your permission and there is always an exception to every rule. Let's be the exception. My hair might have a smoky hue, but the fire ain't out just yet. No, I am determined to sing songs of deliverance until the saints go marching in.