Not Quite Grown

     

           I have a daughter who thinks she's grown, but she's not quite. A few months ago the State of Iowa gave her a driver's license. To her this is a badge of Freedom. She is head strong when I talk to her.

"Mom I know," she will say, "I took driver's Ed."  

     I have lived a long time now. I have had to renew my driver's license many times and some how the picture comes out more disappointing every time.  I have one question, why can't we smile in the photo? I mean really? I am concerned about the depressing mugshots we all are required to carry in our wallets and purses.  

     Seriously though, do I have the attitude that I have arrived. I took the class on life and there is nothing else to learn? I seriously hope I don't slip into that attitude, but I know sometimes I do. 

     I remember the confidence I had going into becoming a parent. I had a clear road map of what it would be like after reading What to Expect When Your Expecting.  But on the way home from the hospital all that confidence seemed to fly out the window as I sat in the back seat next to my tiny son. He wasn't a Premie, he was an average size at birth; 8 Lbs, 3 ounces. He looked like a little pink ball in the huge car seat, and I couldn't get his head to lay back comfortably. 

     Where were the directions? I remember thinking. But over time ... It's hard not to feel like You've got this.

      In a home of children in the teenage stage I realize I am back to a place of question. How do I raise these brilliant kids in a dark world? In the age of social media and cell phones I find myself wishing I could smash it all with a hammer and go back to a simpler time. When friends had to call you on their land line to go to a mall you had to get out of your car to shop in.

    The truth is we can't go back to the 90's. We are in a new time and I am getting more unsure of myself everyday as the world gets increasingly darker, so where do I turn in all the chaos?

    I am learning to catch myself when I act as if I know it all. I am starting to stop myself and look up. I am starting to pray to the Lord instead of lean on my own understanding. Could prayer be as simple as the Lord's Prayer Jesus laid out to his disciples in Matthew 6:9-13.

Our Father which art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy Name

     When I pray this, I essentially admit that God is on a different level than I am. I invite his wisdom that is greater than my own to change my perspective. 

Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven

    What if life is not summed up in all I can see with my physical eyes. Perhaps on the road to life I can't see the full picture. There are blind spots. When I acknowledge God's perspective, when I see His kingdom is greater than my own then I can make room for his Voice to navigate my life.

 Give us this day our daily bread. 

      I need to know that I am not alone. I need help with raising children, and over time I can stop asking for help and just try to deal with the demands parenting brings on my own. Unfortunately, experience has taught me that my own way of dealing isn't the best way. I need a bigger perspective. When I acknowledge that I need God, I open my heart to a possibility of gaining a wisdom bigger than myself.

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil 

for Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

 AMEN

     Praying this phrase reminds me that I may have a driver's license for life but I see that God is the one in control. I want to live in such a way that I reflect his hope, joy, and healing to the broken world around me. And as I raise this almost grown girl, I want to look to a wisdom that is higher than my own. 

     Sometimes I may think that I am grown, but I'm not quite. I'm still in a process and that is okay. I am gaining hope as I turn to God in prayer. Life is uncertain these days, but I am reminded again this morning that God is good, and so today I give him permission to Take the Wheel.