Time for the New Chapter

    The writer had spent exactly 5 months and 23 days, 7 hours, and 42 minutes on the first chapter. It took ten re-writes and a bottle of Tylenol just to get through the first 300 words. But on a cold drizzling morning in early February with a hot cup of coffee and his desk light illuminating the small room he called “the den” he stared at the blank screen. The cursor was blinking at the top left corner as if to say: come on, get going…what happens next?

    It was time for the next chapter but the procrastinating writer didn’t know where to begin. He had spent so much time on chapter one that the blank screen seemed intimidating. I know this feeling well. I can still remember the nervous excitement I had on my first day of Junior High. I had spent days planning my first-day outfit, my first-day make-up, and my first-day “walk.” Hey, if Phil Collins could write a song about it I figured how you walk into the first day of your next chapter must matter.

    I still laugh when I think of our first full day of our marriage. After the wedding, friends, gifts, and lovely dress wear. We were driving to Indiana when Brad’s souped up Cutless broke down on the side of the highway. Trying not to panic and show my new husband the most stressed out form of his new bride I prayed silently as he examined the car. This was back in the 90’s when we didn’t have the luxury of a cell phone. We ultimately decided to walk to a country house out in the middle of nowhere.

    Approaching what appeared to be a communal living house I said, “Hey I think someone lives there.” We spotted at least 5 tents erected and heard the psychedelic sounds of “The Doors” playing in the heavily forest covered property. “I don’t think so.” He said.

    We finally found a house a mile down the highway perched on a large hill. Nervously I hoped we wouldn’t meet a vicious farm dog. With each step, my heart quickened because I didn’t know what lied just beyond our view. Fortunately, an older man answered Brad’s knock and agreed to let use his phone to call AAA roadside service.

    Out of the kindness of his heart, he allowed this young newlywed couple to ride in the back of his pick-up truck the mile and one-half to Brad’s stalled prized hot rod that showed prophetic signs of its reliability.  The sun was hot in the sky on that mid-May day.  

    Oh and I remember that precious midnight gathering of undergarments and a baby outfit into the duffle bag as we rushed off to the hospital after I discovered my water broke. Passing the freshly painted baby’s room we nervously loaded the car as a family of two for the last time. In a rush, my young husband backed out onto the road approaching yet another new chapter of in our lives.

    From then till now many new chapters have been written, but I don’t think that I have quite become comfortable with the cursor blinking at the top of the page. To be honest, the new chapter always seems alluring, mysterious, and attractive in the middle of the previous chapter, but when the last sentenced is typed it is time for the new chapter, period.

    How do we prepare for the new chapter? Hmmm…there is probably a whole shelf of self-help books to aid us in navigating through the new, but to be honest when I really need advice I don’t seem to be attracted to the books with all the answers. Or I read the books that are supposed to help me put the pieces together and I am still in want.

   When the clock strikes four in the morning and tired eyes pop open because anxiety has been making the last two hours a toss and turn I find myself calling out. “God, will you lead me?” I don’t know what I am doing, I don’t know which way to go.”

Back to the writer…

    After washing the dishes he returned to the flashing cursor at the top of the page. And he sat, he tapped his pen on the side of the desk. He stretched out his arms. He decided to answer a text, but each time he returned his concentration to the screen the Chapter was waiting.

     In the frustration of the writing block, he almost shut down his beat up Laptop and gave up for the day. He almost declared this story was over and he might as well have a Chapter one burning, when he paused...He remembered…all the chapters he had lived. All the battles he had won and some he had not, and somewhere deep inside he decided to believe.

    In faith he began to write. With grace toward himself he allowed his pen to speak. Without editing or punishing he allowed his fingers to begin to paint a new picture, a new vision, a new idea for the characters he had created from the ashes of his memories.

    Here is the point: Where you have been lays a foundation for where you will go. We can change, we can improve, but ultimately we will have to step into new chapters not knowing if it will all work out or not. I am thankful that I have faith to lean into at such times. I have a testimony of how God has made a way in the new chapters for me when I couldn’t seem to figure out what I should do.

     Today if you find yourself at the top of a new blank page and anxiety is threatening to steal your breath stop for a moment. Rest for a moment. Remember the road you have already traveled and allow God to enlighten your perspective. He is found in the waiting, pausing, and pondering. Perhaps that is how the next chapter will begin…

I found God in the stillness of before dawn when sleep escapes and light still slumbers…