Resting On Purpose

I have been talking a lot lately, that is what I do when I am excited. 

I am a writer! Yippee Hooray! I have a new found purpose.

     I love purpose, that positive focus. It feels like happy endorphins must be having a party inside my head. Life feels electric. It is in the new, that everything can feel mind blowing, adventurous.  

     A new love, a new job, a new house, a new haircut, a new car, a new church, a new friend.  All of the new make us feel like possibility can open up again. A clean slate could help bring a fresh start. Starting over can transform me into a new someone instead of feeling like a familiar nobody. I feel energy to bring a new savvy, put together angle instead of a washed over, has-been idea.

     To get the rush sometimes we can get into unhealthy habits. I struggle with being a people pleaser who says “yes” too quickly, too often, until I am maxed out. While someone else might try to fill the void with shopping. Or maybe it is new projects that brings the rush.  Except to finish the task means the most important relationships will suffer. But in all these efforts for a purpose driven life we somehow come up short.

    I am not saying pursuing purpose isn’t a good thing. I truly think it is a great thing but…when I start getting grumpy and tired it is usually because I haven’t stopped to look up. Your life and mine are greater than the things we own, the way we look, the people we know, the things we do, and the places we have been. If you have been feeling empty, distant, drained, put out, I want you to know your soul is calling out for rest.

    Rest might sound lazy, old, or out of fashion. It might sound expensive, vulnerable and lonely, but as much as we fight it-We need it. How hard is it to slow down, unplug, and quiet our souls? (Pause) Ok, it is hard! If your life is anything like mine, when the alarm clock goes off it is a sprint until I return to the bed at the end of the day.

    So what is in it for me? On occasions when I have listened to my body, heart, and soul telling me to stop for a moment, I have heard it.  I have heard the busy rush of water, living water flowing, coursing, running over my soul. In the moments when I quiet myself, I feel the refreshing power of the Creator God coming up close, and whispering: "Cast your cares upon me for I care for you.” Is it an audible voice? No, it is a whisper of originator of purpose, the Why, the Great I Am.  If this sounds far out, it should, I am talking about a God encounter.

    On a late spring day a few years back. I had a break down. It had seemed like a normal Monday, the kids had just left for school, I was in sweats because it was my day off when I was triggered. Already exhausted from a busy schedule, I had realized I had dropped the ball in an area. I had worked very carefully to make sure I had done a very good juggling act, but in that moment everything came tumbling down. I had reach it, the end of my good Christian deeds rope.  

I let go…right there in the bathroom.

“God” I cried, “I am sorry that I am not enough!”

     After the sobs subsided I heard it…that busy rush of water flowing, coursing, running over my soul. The old Amy Grant song started to play in my mind: El Shaddai, El Shaddai, El-elyon na adonia, age to age you are still the same by the power of your name.” "What does El Shaddai mean?" I thought. So I Googled it. Definition: The All Sufficient One. At my lowest point I started to whisper,

“Thank you God that you are the All Sufficient One, you are more than enough.”

As I said it a little cloud of Hope, the size of my thumb, rose up from somewhere deep in my heart. So I said it again,

“Thank you God that you are the all Sufficient One, you are more than enough.”

My voice got louder as I began to let go of my guilt, stress, and pain.

“ …And I am not enough.”

     Suddenly, the weight of all my ambition, the pressure of pleasing, the list of “Should” lifted off my shoulders. I felt the refreshing power of the Creator God coming up close, and whispering: "Cast your cares upon me for I care for you.” How can the “All Sufficient One” take time for someone like me? The originator of purpose, the Why, the Great I Am... all I can say is He does it on Purpose.