Even so

      Have you ever had an Even so... moment in your life? You know, like when you are holding on beyond reasonable bounds. I think I have done this countless times for the people I love. Love is patient and its supposed to be kind, but lately as we are all stuck in the house together everyday we can creep onto each others nerves.

   Even so... I will forgive. In family there is always a tension between boundaries and forgiveness. I know that we all need to have lines drawn so that we maintain our own identities but there are also lines that are softened by the closeness of relationship. I am not sure how many times my son has used my toothbrush merely because it was nearest when he was needing a good brushing. I am NOT talking about the two year-old.

   I also have to wear forgiveness for my girls. The darlings that used to never want to leave my side have now, in their adolescents, scoffed at the idea of having to spend time with me. Life is definitely harder with my quiver full of offspring.

   I am not complaining. Really, I played the game of life. I wanted the little pink and blue additions in the back of my little car pawn. But real life is raw and the story is telling of all my imperfection and weakness. There isn't a fault those dearest to me haven't seen.

   So what is there left to say? That is where I must pick up. The truth is, my family sees the real me. The tired puffy eyed me. The frantically cleaning to impress the house guest me. The silly grooving to the best of the 80's music me.

    The glue that sticks us all together is love, but without forgiveness everything falls apart. It is hard not to keep a record of wrong when bad moods last for several months. It is hard to trust when you find out about the lies. It is hard to want to listen when the advice you give isn't taken.

Even so...I will forgive.

    This selfless act of letting someone off the hook they rightfully deserve to be hung upon is a spiritual act. It is something we all need from each other, but it never comes easily. When I get hurt in the "feels" my brain locks that negative experience into my memory bank. It is only with real mental effort that I can move past it.

     Presently we are teaching our two year-old how to say sorry when he hurts us. Usually this is physical pain like a toy to the head or a punch to the gut as he pretends to be Bat Man. He doesn't understand yet the power of his words. Saying sorry and releasing an I forgive you have the power to change the dynamic of our quarantine home life from tension to trust every time they are used.

     When the three older kids were little I added a simple melody to this verse: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you," Colossians 3:13. When the kids were fighting I would march around the house singing it. They didn't appreciate the truth of it's wisdom in the heat of the moment, but the tune got stuck in our heads and I found us all humming it around the house.

   There are a million reasons to loose my temper. Even so... I will brush it off. Even so... I will move on. Even so... I will sing that little song again. And when I mess up and blow my top... I will take a deep breath..and I will remember all of this and I will find the strength to say I'm sorry.

    And when my lovelies blow their tops...Even so...I will forgive.